WRATH
As any couple knows, the sex after a blazing row is totally unbeatable.But how do you get the sexy fireworks going after the shouty fireworks have gone off?
According to relationship expert, Sam Van Rood of www.todgertalk.blogspot.com, ‘The key to great post-argument sex? Don’t say a thing. It was talking that got you into trouble in the first place. It’s all about action. Gently take her hand and lead her into the bedroom. Take her face in your hands and kiss her softly on the lips. Slowly unbutton her top; just make a little move that will start to let the passion out.
‘It’s like dambusting: once a crack appears all hell will break loose and nothing will be able to hold the water back. That’s why the sex is so good after an argument. All those intense emotions get channelled where it counts – into the bedroom. Or, in this case, more likely the bedroom floor.’
GREED
There’s no better feeling than when you just can’t get enough of each other. Yep, for endless, relentless sex, greed is definitely good. But you need to be able to last the distance in these marathon sessions. To stop yourself finishing too quickly, sex expert and founder of www.cliterati.co.uk Emily Dubberley recommends swapping positions and changing the pace. ‘Also, use a thicker condom to decrease sensation.You can always swap it for a thinner one, and you should always change condoms after 45 minutes to avoid the risk of breakage.
‘Another tip is to focus on your breathing to draw attention away from what’s going on down below. Withdrawing and changing to oral or manual stimulation for a while can help, as will practising making yourself last longer when you masturbate.’
Make sure your girlfriend is getting plenty of orgasms, but go gently. Dubberly says, ‘If you rub relentlessly she’ll get sore. But if you tease her with just the tip of your little finger covered in lube, she’s more likely to have repeated orgasms. And don’t be afraid to introduce a toy to help things along.’ Do Power Rangers count?
SLOTH
You know those sleepy weekend afternoons when she’s up for it and you’re a bit tired, but still wouldn’t mind – as long as she does most of the work?Next time, instead of rolling over and pretending to sleep, close the curtains, dim the lights and leave the ashtray overflowing – you’re going for a lazy, slobby vibe. Lie behind her on the couch and flick to a random shopping channel (the grubbiness of these channels is often a weird turn on – it makes it feel more sleazy and wrong).
Start by kissing her neck, take your upper hand and start slowly running it from her shoulders to her thigh. Once she starts to squirm, unzip your jeans, slowly tug her bottoms off and gently start rubbing yourself against her. When she starts wriggling in anticipation, lie flat on your back and flip her over with you so she’s lying face down on top (it’ll seem very intimate and spontaneous to her, but really you’re just stealing more sofa space for yourself). With her on top, you can lie back and let her finish the job herself. Remember, there’s no harm in telling her it’s a turn on to watch her touch herself while she’s there – giving you even less to do.
GLUTTONY
Ever wondered why women find chefs – essentially bad tempered, frequently overweight blokes who smell of fish – so sexy? It’s because they encourage women to put things in their bodies they know they shouldn’t. Gluttony is indulgence gone bad, gorging yourself on wicked things way beyond the limits of good manners. But good manners never made for great sex, soget stuck in…
You have to go all out for this one, so if you’re a calorie-counter look away now. Start by gently tying her hands behind her back, filling a big glass with her favourite drink and feeding it to her. Keep going once her mouth is full until it spills from her mouth, dripping down her chin to her breasts and beyond. Clean up with your tongue, but don’t worry about keeping things too tidy – gluttonous sex is all about making a big sticky mess. Ice cubes are bloody cold, but the shock can be pleasantly offset by dipping them into her favourite spirit first and giving them to her to suck before gliding them across her lips, skin and nipples before slowly moving them downwards to even more sensitive areas. Be careful, though – frostbite is no joke.
Then move on to food. Have a go with aphrodisiacs such as asparagus, oysters, strawberries and avocados – not at the same time, unless you find vomit sexy (if you do, there are other magazines that cater for that kind of thing). Feeding her the ‘bad’ foods she loves and denies herself most will make her feel doubly naughty, so why not try chocolate. Or ice cream.
Or bacon butties…
LUST
The great thing about lust is that urge to do it right there, right then, and to hell with the consequences. There are consequences, of course – if you get caught shagging in public you face up to six months in prison and a £5,000 fine. Just remember that on average a person is recorded more than 300 times a day on CCTV cameras in Britain, so make certain you’re not going to end up in some furtive security guard’s ‘private’ collection.Because you’re going for speed, she should ideally be wearing a skirt. You want to be as close to orgasm as possible before having sex, so turn each other on by talking about what you’re about to do. If she has a coat on you can casually slip your hand inside her top and caresses her as you’re walking to your destination. Once you’re there, lean her up against the tree/shed/tombstone and take her roughly – it’s supposed to be pure lust, after all. It takes girls longer to climax and she might not have finished before you, so when you’re done find somewhere to sit and throw a coat over both your laps. Hug her really tightly and start fondling her breasts. Keep kissing, then slide your hand up her legs and use your magic fingers to bring a great big lustful smile to her face.
ENVY
The one thing guaranteed to make every other man jealous is a threesome. For guidance it’s best to listen to someone we’ll call ‘M’, whose greatest achievement in life was making his girlfriend and his girlfriend’s best mate climax at the same time.‘When it comes to persuading the missus, don’t nag for it,’ advises M. ‘You’ll look like a desperate perv. Instead, try sharing your fantasies when you’re having sex, tell her how much it would turn you on to see her with another woman and see how she responds – most girls now think lipstick lesbianism is quite cool.’ And once she’s agreed? ‘Have a few drinks and encourage the girls to get off with each other first – let them come to you.’
Sometimes there can be a problem with threesomes if one of the girls is getting more attention than the other. Emily Dubberley has this to say: ‘Try to ensure that all three of you are busy at the same time – if you’re going down on one woman, she could be playing with the other woman’s breasts.’ But you shouldn’t worry too much, as Dubberly points out, ‘The women are probably going to be far more curious about exploring each other than getting jealous about you – a threesome is about all three people, not just your penis.’
PRIDE
Pride is about liking what you see in the mirror – so what better way to exploit this sin than with your very own sexy movie? Porn producer and author of Erotic Home Video (Carlton Books, £16.99), Anna Span, knows what works on the big screen.‘Sharing the camera with your partner and using shots that look directly from one person to another will make your film more engaging,’ says Span. ‘Play with fantasies. They can add backbone to a performance and are often, at the very least, funny when all else fails!’
Or why not try getting into character for performances? ‘You may feel freer to be more extrovert in character than if it’s “you” in front of the camera – plus, the role will give you something to focus on if you’re nervous. Also, try adding props and sex toys,’ advises Span.
‘Where the sex is filmed will add to the feel,’ says Span. ‘If it’s a quickie, film it in a hallway. If you want it to feel risky, try starting the scene outside. Exaggerate the noises you make a little bit and remember that eye contact and speech make a scene come alive.’
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