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Edinburgh Festival Frenzy
One-Liners

Impress your mates in the pub with a couple of quick-fire gags courtesy of some of the best new comedians

JJ WHITEHEAD - THE JOKER

‘Breast size is not as important as some women would think. To most men, boobs are like Coke or Pepsi. We might state a preference but will take whatever’s on tap as long as it’s not flat.’

Venue: Smirnoff Underbelly, Cowgate/George IV bridge

Time: 8:00pm (ends 9:00pm)

Dates: 31st July – 24th August (previews 31st July & 1st August). No show 11th
Tickets: Previews £7.00, Weekdays £9.50 (£9.00), Weekends £12.00 (£11.00)
Venue Box Office: 0844 545 8252 www.underbelly.co.uk

Fringe Box Office: 0131 226 0000


STEVE WILLIAMS - THE ULTIMATE WORRIER

‘A headline after the death of Saddam Hussein read: ‘Tyrant is hanged.’ My auntie looked in the paper and sobbed, “Who’s going to present Who Wants To Be
A Millionaire?”

Venue: Pleasance Theatre

Time: 7:15-8:15 pm

Dates: 4th - 25th August . No show 20th
Tickets: £9.50 (£8.50)
Venue Box Office: 0131 556 6550 www.pleasance.co.uk

Fringe Box Office: 0131 226 0000


JOHN PINETTE - I SAY NAY NAY

‘I’ve been on a cruise ship that’s crashed. The captain said, “The ship is taking on a little water.” You mean we’re sinking? A guy bringing on a case of Evian – that’s taking on a little water.

Venue: E4 Cow Barn

Time: 9.15PM

Dates: 31st July - 25 August (previews 31st July & 1st August). No show 11th
Tickets: £10.00 (9.00), £12.50 (11.50) Weekends, £7.00 Preview
Dates 31st July - 25th Aug (previews 31st July & 1st Aug)
Venue Box Office: 0131 556 6550 www.pleasance.co.uk

Fringe Box Office: 0131 226 0000Time: 9.15pm


GLENN WOOL – GOODBYE SCARS

‘Swears are getting longer and less offensive nowadays. I can see my kids saying, if their friend is late. “What in the legalised paedophilia of brain-dead children time do you call this?”’

Venue: Smirnoff Underbelly, Cowgate/George IV Bridge

Time: 10:15 pm (ends 11:15)

Dates: 31st July – 24th August Previews 31st July, 1st Aug. No show 11th

Tickets: £10.00 (9.00), £12.50 (11.50) Weekends, £7.00 Preview

Box Office: 0844 545 8252 www.underbelly.co.uk

Edinburgh Fringe Box Office: 0131 226 0000


TOM DEACON - COMEDY ZONE 2008

‘I once buggered a man unconscious. I’m lying, he was already unconscious when I found him.’

Venue: Pleasance Theatre

Time: 22.45 - 00:05

Dates: 4th-21st August . No show 20th
Tickets: £5 - £10.50
Venue Box Office: 0131 556 6550 www.pleasance.co.uk

Fringe Box Office: 0131 226 0000

 
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